CLINTON COMES TO TOWN

Gravitas Rainbow
The Light That Dimmed.

I had to pay my daughter 500 dollars to baby-sit last night so I could go se Ex POTUS Clinton give the keynote at the AZ Democratic party’s annual dinner. It was a private arrangement with her, something about an iPhone, but it did set a certain edgy tone for the night. Your devotedly non-partisan Cowboy observer offers this account of the evening.

IT WAS A BROWN TIE AFFAIR, at best. A giant bar filled the center of the reception hall, thus ensuring it appeared to be a massive crowded event. Men who wear neckties less often that your humble Cowboy, and women who wear them more, were in abundance. Mild confusion hummed through the room regarding the table assignments while young party leadership homosexuals gloated before middle-age female party patrons. The only well dressed mature men were cagey, almost afraid to be seen. Grown men openly defended their presence as “just curious what he will say”. It was like a high school re-union of geologists mashed into the largest girls night out in Arizona history. It was cool.

I did the only thing worth doing at these gigs: Hung out in the stage left wings with the obvious “Detail” guys and listened in on passing conversations of the assistant dignitaries as they rushed around with sheaves of speech notes. This is what I got out of it:

WE GIG ECONO, and it’s why the Democratic Party will never win the employed heterosexual male vote. The disorganization was not extreme but let’s face it – Republicans run a tight ship on all decks and that includes laying in extra effort at the cocktail-hour-of-the-year. Artsy brown rainbow backdrops are a fine celebration of diversity but they are very un-Potus like when the handshake photos come out.

You guys wanna win an election? Buy better tuxedos than the amnesty craving buffet staff wears and spend like horse thieves to make the event memorable. Little gifts of embossed mint boxes or engraved memorabilia place cards are the swag that donors come back for. Lastly, when a man meets an EXPOTUS of any stripe, he wants to be in a room full of other men all dressed like James Bond on casino night, not slackers who bought their only necktie at Goodwill.

HANG OUT NEAR THE “DETAIL” GUYS AND YOU GET GOOD INTEL at these gigs. (Remember, your dealing with the Blog of A COWBOY here.) It is a habit from years backstage in the concert business. Protection detail people are about the same age as your humble journalist and they tend to be the only interesting people in the room. As long as you don’t look like John Malkovich they can be very friendly. In this case I shared table space with one of the Navajo Nation Secret Service members. The first thing I got from him was confirmation that filming has secretly begun on the new Indiana Jones film up in Monument Valley Tribal Park.

The Navajo secret service protects the Tribal President (now Joe Shirley), against all threats, and they are not kidding or just posing. This guy was a Navy demolitions expert and a ground war veteran from the first Viet-Sand. You don’t meet a lot of Navy guys who conduct their war fighting MOS on the dry sandy earth, hundreds of miles from the nearest ocean. When you do meet them, they are usually flattered that you noticed the distinction. When I suggested he obtained his explosives training at the infamous Navy SEAL BUDs course he just looked me in the eye and smirked and his head nodded very slowly one time.

The Navajo are renowned for a deeply ironic sense of humor. I wondered what kind of threats they look out for as I failed to win a staring contest with him. When Shirley's grandfather was alive, the President of the United States and the (military) Governor of Arizona sent Kit Carson and the Army cavalry to Window Rock where Mr. Carson perpetrated one of the more lethal ethnic cleansing campaigns in the history of the New World, against the Navajo people. (Navajo men and woman have a modern legacy of warrior service, almost entirely in the Navy and their Marine Corps. Lori Piestewa was a Hopi serving in the Army)

The current Arizona Governor and the recent EXPOTUS were at the head table with his protectee 30 feet away. We bantered generally about the nature of his job and the NSS relation with other similar agencies and such. I may have mentioned something about Carson's "Long Walk" affecting the Navajo view of US Presidents . A few minutes later, just before Clinton took the podium, he excused himself from the table with a private comment in my ear: “We accompany our leaders whenever they meet with yours.”


LOOK MA, NO TELEPROMPTER. Bill Clinton turned out to be a slighter, more humbled presence than he once was, but he is still the slickest man south of George Clooney. His “mojo” may be on idle and his half-in-the-bag swagger has been replaced by a green tea mellowness, but his intellectually gifted oratorical skills remain unmatched by a living politician. It doesn’t matter if you think Willie is the modern Obie Wan Ken-Obie or the Dark Lord Emperor Palpatane. The force is strong with this guy.

Wanna-be POTUS Monkeys should study the master and learn. These days The Cowboy hears many Republicans yapping up a storm about digging up a new Reagan-esque candidate. The Democrats should take the term “Clinton-esque” out for a test drive and see what the cat drags in.

EXPOTUS DECORUM mandates that Clinton cannot specifically endorse a rising current candidate. This of course plays easily into his subtle joking support for the Wife-in-Chief. Still, it was surprising how many times Bill did NOT mention Hillary. But your Humble Cowboy thought the most interesting tidbit of the evening was when Bill mentioned that he had breakfast with Steve Jobs earlier this week. He pitched the iPhone tastefully and then segued into a segment about the environment.

Why does breakfast with Steve Jobs lead into Kyoto Accord reminiscing and ten minutes on the environment? What does the iPhone have to do with the Environment? A conspiratorial observer might wonder if breakfast-with-Steve was really cover for a meeting between Bill Clinton and planet protecting Apple board member Al Gore. Maybe party Loyalty to a possible Gore campaign would make it even more important for Clinton to keep his comments about Hillary to a minimum.

The Cowboy came away with a new understanding of Bill Clinton’s role in the next election. Slick Willie is the deciding factor in who gets to be the next decider.

When he hits the campaign trail colors are brighter and air is fresher. Everyone is more confident. The next election hinges on the choice Bill Clinton offers American Voters when the curtain closes: Have the Republicans programmed enough voters to hate him like the devil incarnate so that they will vote for ANY alternative to allowing him to live in W’s House in any capacity? OR, Will people vote for Hillary in the impulsive hope that enough of Bill’s magic mojo will rub off onto her to make her tolerable as the new POTUS.

Either way, A Vote for (or against) Hillary is a Vote for (or against) Bill.

Thanks for listening.