The Great Race XLIV

Part I: Meet the New Boss

Thanks for nothing grand-pa Brokaw.

As a member of “The Greatest Living American Marketing Demographic Database ” I want to share my early thoughts on the next field of Presidential candidates bequeathed upon us by “The Greatest Living American Generation”. In part two I’ll suggest a few alternative, noble and qualified leaders from Left and Right to replace them.

Early campaign donation reports are on the front page this week and so the next round of “American Idyll” is underway. The rumbling you hear is the media, firing a live-loaded starter’s pistol for the next presidential race – straight into the crowd. The only reportable fact of note is that most Americans from the left and right, would prefer to see ANY OTHER CANDIDATES than the ones now in the hunt to be the next POTUS. None of them are worth a damn. A leader with, well, leadership skills, would be a breath of fresh air in the “49% and a prayer” partisan fart-sack we call a Democracy these days.

The media’s job is to hypnotize us (with a brick) into accepting the less dangerous option of two campaigns. They lead us all, left and right alike, as vanquished champions, down to a sunless sea. 49% of America hates (and I mean watch-them-die-in-the-desert hatred) the other 49% of Americans, and vis-a-versa. That leaves me among the lonely 2% of freak-flag waiving cowboys. Left to watch the soul of American Democracy sail off into the polluted sunset, somewhere over towards China.

After W. the GOP faces a new bar for maturity or humanity that is higher than Abe Lincoln’s top hat. Not even The Ghost of Ronald Reagan can re-warm the chilled heart of American Conservatives. How anyone can still pretend it is even remotely ethical to belong to Karl Rove's Republican Party is beyond me.

There is only one scenario in which the Republicans' “Party of Hate” should even be allowed by honest, pitch-fork wielding Americans to field a serious candidate for the next election: The Democrats would have to vainly assume that the recent election’s mandate to get the Republicans out of power was the same thing as a mandate to put Democrats in.

Oops.

… Same as the Olde Boss

McCain was destroyed beyond ethics, worse than any Democrat ever has been or ever will be, by the Rove/Cheney/Bush Juggernaut of his own team. The modern Republican Party treated John McCain less honorably than the Viet Cong did. He took it, and that is his problem. The Senator’s failing health, wounded pride and (understandably) nasty temper have alienated everyone in both parties. He has exactly a 2% percent chance of regaining the stolen independent affection and credibility of statesmanship, that he spent his lifetime earning. Straight Talk for McCain can only begin with an admission that Republican Party did more damage to America after 9/11 than the illiterate savages did on 9/11.

Hillary was once the dancing Goldwater Girl who invented “fixing health care” but she spent the past 8 years re-making herself as a steel grimaced, uber-woman, talking-points candidate for the new left (circa 1975). In the process she showed a willingness to sacrifice reason, leadership, and dignity to become the most frighteningly narcissistic candidate on the slate. Her draw as a punching bag for McCain and Giuliani puts her high in the polls; but as a human heart called to carry forward the arts and letters legacy of American leadership during times of peril, she ties with McCain for desperately fighting the next (campaign) war using the failed strategies and momentum of the last one.


Obama has all of the polished upward gazing promise of a life magazine cover. Life magazine is closing this year. Those of us who curse like sailors when we smash our hangover-trembling fingers with a hammer, while trying to squeeze a Starbucks lifestyle out of a Wal-Mart economy won’t notice the absence of either one. The Senator raises a lot of Hollywood anti-Hillary cash, but don’t be fooled by it. It is politically incorect to publically criticize a person of such distinguished minority diversity, too bad for the wunder-kind that voting booths have privacy curtains. His electrifying presence as a Non-White, Non-Woman, Non-Black, Non-Hispanic, Non-Male, Non-southern, Non-Eastern, Non-Gay, Non-Straight, Non-Western, Non-Catholic, Non-Jewish, Non-Muslim, Melting Pot poster child only ensures he will carry a majority of Non-Voters.

Guliani, ( That’s “Mr. Nine-Eleven, SIR” to you) said his wife will attend cabinet meetings, defended his lifelong partnership with an alleged mob-style criminal and appeared to suggest that The Fed would pay for abortions in the future. And that was just this week. It would be unprecedented for a President’s wife to have that kind of access. It would be even more unprecedented if his third marriage lasts long enough for it to be possible. His life-long friend, Bernard Kerik embarrassed the W. House when R.G. tried to force him down their gullet as senior law enforcer, Director of Homeland Security. Turned out Rudy's Rove is into homeland organized crime. Rudolph’s greatest asset is, of course, his public presence on 9/11; too bad he hosed the NYFD so bad politically that they won’t even invite him to speak at the memorial rallies.

Romney stands at the fore of America’s fastest growing Church, the Mormons. They should own the only un-flooded spit of moral high ground left in America. Sadly, for Romney, his brethren also own the un-prosecuted child sexing polygamist cults of Arizona City, Utah and Colorado City, Arizona. Two LDS towns named specifically to confuse federal law enforcement agencies and tax collectors. Mit, (or Mitch or, whatever) has taken flip-floppery to a new level with his family-values pandering in previous campaigns. Don’t assume Mit will even carry the home temple vote: The not-so-greatest living generation at BYU just voted to un-invite Dick Cheney as their featured graduation speaker because he fails to live up to LDS ethical dogma (and he started too many wars for oil). Still, Elder Mit could be the first American President from a religion founded by a snake-oil salesman who spoke to GOD via a magic bean he kept in his hat.

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End Part I