The New Rant Form

(Circle one option only from each parenthetical bracket.)

I am a (Republican, Democrat, Steven Colbert).

I am (angry, irate, psychotically broken).

I attribute my joyless worldview to extremist (Republicans, Liberals) and (The Liberal New York Times Media, The Republican Fox-News Media, that Jon Stewart prick).
You people all need to (wake-up, turn the channel, take English 101 at community college)!

For sure, if you disagree with my (opinion, rant, 10,000 word manifesto) then you are a (fag-traitor, godless-miscreant, zealot-bastard) and, you should be (jailed, beaten, taxed) without benefit of a (fair trial, mortgage bailout).

The world is full of problems that I can't solve, because I am not actually a (economist, college graduate, trustee here at the prison). I am however a naturally gifted analyst - despite the fact that I only get world news from (Fox, New York Times, Al Jazeera).

I am (particularly gifted, the Chosen One, delusional) when it comes to assessing who else is to blame for my manic joylessness. Further, I genuinely believe that I can become as popular as ( George Washington, Jesus, that Stewart prick) just by (writing un-edited 10,000 word manifestos, writing obsessed incendiary hate-blogs, a mall massacre).

There is just no (joy, hope, chance of getting laid) in my world. This (crisis, disaster, apocalyptic orgy of doom) is clearly and obviously the fault of (George W. Bush, Michelle Obama, The Illuminati). I think that (real Americans, true patriots, Steven Colbert) are justified in fighting this (tyranny, socialism, Mossad conspiracy) using (full-auto war rifles, barrels of ANFO, gerrymandered re-districting).

We will only enjoy (liberty, lower taxes, getting some hootchi-kootchie) after we restore my beloved country to the former greatness of the sentimental past, as captured by such films as (The Sons of Katie Elder, Saving Private Ryan, Star Wars IV –A New Hope).

In the mean time, we have been historically (short-johned, gin-poled, electric banjo-pronged) by the inability of (Congress,           ) to provide ethical, non-partisan leadership in these (dark times, strange days, early weeks of the revolution). Yes, until (congress,           ) can provide some selfless political sacrifice I am keeping my (gun loaded, bunker stocked, money in oil stocks).

If you are not (with us, against us, half-in-the-bag by noon) then you are obviously (with us, against us, half-in-the-bag by noon) and you really need to WAKE UP.

Ride for the High Country