Letter From America

Dear former ambassador of Nigeria for petroleum export excise revenue Mbuoto-wigan,

I am hoping this missive finds you and your battered family in good spirits . I am not writing you (this time) to inquire about the $875.00 which was unfortunately and accidently withdrawn from my wife’s checking account during those troublesome days of the confusing oil tariff revenue transfers last year.
I am seeking kindly now your assistance to save my family and my small humble town from the onset of privations and desperate poverty. Thank you for reading my request which will certainly be profitable to you for your compassionate assistance to the nature of 18,000,000 dollars you will receive for reading this email.

I am a simple Internet developer from Scottsdale Arizona, USA. My uncle , Samuel Clemens, was formerly the overnight funds telegram and wire auditor for Lehman USA. As a result of my technical internets experience I was able to see an opportunity to help Samuel remove a legal, fee based percentage of these large quantities of monies from each transfer he made. During the run-up to the collapse of this storied financial institution my office secretary, Mable-Ann and I were able to secretly divert 173,000,000 dollars from these international wire transfers between banks and governments. It was required that this money be placed in a non-us controlled offshore Cuban bank because they do not have relations that allow United States Homeland Security tracking of our transfers.

My Uncle Sam was indicted on false national security charges as a personal vendetta by his corporate overlords who, having seen this money go absent would very much like to steal it from us. He is sequestered without counsel at guano military base in North Dakota awaiting secret tribunal. Mabel-Ann was also killed in an obviously murderous pedestrian light-rail accident as these evil greedy men attempted to use terror to force my beloved Sam to return his own deserved and rightfully acquired money.

My only hope in all of this is to clear my good familie’s name and possibly restore some small amount of services to our impoverished Scottsdale. I am not known to the government or the murderous executives who are involved in the grievous battle for these monies. So I will be safe if I can regain control of them. The problem we have, and what we pray earnestly for your almost trivial assistance with, is that the US is not allowed commercial exchange with Cuba as you well know Minister Mutou. We need a non USA account in a country that will allow wired exchanges with CUBA and the USA for to rescuing this money. In exchange for allowing us to use as many as twenty or thirty five of your family’s private accounts to break up the transfers into less suspicious quantities we will joyously leave for you 10% of these moneys or close to 18,000,000 dollars in acceptable international grade money. All I am asking you to do is provide the accounts numbers for as may of your family’s accounts as possible.

I know that Nigeria has these international wire transfer ability because of the previous arrangements which your murderous foes have still interrupted our good business activities, to our mutual temporary loss. I am thinking this 18,000,000 dollars which will be placed successfully into your accounts by next weekend will be a great aid in helping your own small village as you await the future completion of your own cousin’s oil revenues transfers.

Please I am being so serious you cannot believe it , in good graces help me as I struggle against venomous conspiracy to free my great Uncle Sam and restore basic shopping services to my fellow villagers here in Scottsdale.
If would just send me the accounts numbers and routing for as many accounts as you are able to find trust worthy family members to include in our transfers of this 173,000,000 dollars today we will assuredly be celebrating in great joy and wealth by one week’s time.

Sincereley your previous financial partner
James Tiberius Kirk.


Ride for the High Country